April 29, 2017

Episode 6: Choices

Every day we make decisions that have short and long-term consequences. Often times when you’re in the heat of the moment, the choices you believe you have can be clouded by emotions. This is the realty that so many of us deal with when an unexpected pregnancy occurs. When I was 18 I got my girlfriend pregnant and I wanted the child (I feel she did too). During this time, I was young and wasn’t sure where I was headed, so having a child seemed both meaningful and purposeful. My girlfriend; however, was not 18 and an abortion was forced on us by her parent. Years later I went off to college and I saw opportunities I never knew existed.

So, when I got my girlfriend pregnant in college, the thought of having a child terrified me. I turned the decision of life or death into a game theory exercise, weighing what was in my best interest. I didn’t treat the woman or the child in her as a life, but rather a business decision. And that business decision not only cost the child its life, but a botched procedure almost took the mother’s life too. At the time, I didn’t see this situation as a business decision, but nearly two decades later my understating of that experience has changed. I made a decision out of fear. Fear of losing control of my life. I don’t know what would’ve happened to us had we gone through with having the child, but that’s the choice we make. We are sure of only the immediate result, but unsure of any long-term consequences. One thing I’ve learned is that the guilt and pain from having an abortion never fully leaves.

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